Arizona

Much that could have gone wrong did. To the point where my mom was kind of stunned--me, I'm getting used to these supernatural challenges. I do wonder what God is preparing me for, and after a few moments of faltering, I hope I have strengthened my faith further. I definitely do NOT want to go around that mountain again. So I hope I've learned, that I'm stronger, and closer to God. We definitely would not have made it home without Him.

The girls had a good time. Ava loved the cactus and both girls enjoyed swimming at the hotel. Of course, their Christmas present went over very well--the reason we went to AZ. I will follow up with pictures later.

Mommy, Maddie and Ava at the park. We're trying to simplify, have more fun and less demands on our time. So we've put a trip to the park into our work/school week as well as a bike ride to the lakes once a week, too.

Wednesday Walk

Trials. We've had more than a few over the past couple of years. I have grown stronger in faith as a result, and closer to God. I have become much better at getting still and listening for Him. And the peace that has grown in me, braided so beautifully with a strength that can only come from Him, has been my saving grace on more than one occasion.

One "trial" that I haven't spoken much about is my daughter's health. My big girl has had blisters in her mouth almost every single day for the past year, and sporadically in the year prior to that. I have had her to the pediatrican many, many times. I had her to the specialist, who was confounded that their interventions weren't working. I have removed foods from her diet, and reintroduced them, tried an antiviral medication that was patchy at best in effectiveness, and have now requested a referral to a peds allergist. She is the sweetest child, a great sis and friend, but she has had it. Now the blisters are accompanied by fever and sore throats and tantrums (who can blame her, right). I am heading back to the pediatrician to ask for antibiotics, because it's possible, after such a long time, that the virus has become bacterial and entered her bloodstream. And this makes me so sad and angry--I have been fighting for my child for two years now and just feel that we shouldn't have gotten to this point. God is a healing God. And this week I am clinging to.

I started writing this post a week ago. To my utter joy, it has become a post about faith and God's delieverance, and His amazing healing, rather than the my attempts to remain steadfast in faith. On Friday night, my daughter turned to me and said, "I don't have a blister. Not even one." The look on her face still makes me want to weep. Maddie has been without a blister going on 5 days now. Yesterday, she had a tiny blister appear and then vanish within an hour. She had a fever last Thursday evening, but none since. And no melt downs since, either. She has been off Motrin for 3 days and counting. An answered prayer, definitely. His Word is real clear on doing what I can do and He'll do the rest. So even while I was keeping the faith, and struggling, I've had Maddie on Lysine that I mix into her yogurt twice a day; put her back on the acylovir, but I adjusted the dose down so she wouldn't experience side effects, and I removed tomatoes and citrus from her diet. I think the tomatoes/citrus were the real culprit and that the Lysine is helpful, too. Maddie and I are both hoping we can discontinue the acylovir, but we will wait for 3 months free of blisters and fever before we try that. Keep the faith--God answers:)

Tetralogy of Fallot

Noelle has Tetralogy of Fallot (TOF) and will need open heart surgery as soon as we get her home. This type of surgery has been very successful with babies and small children. A best case scenario will be this surgical procedure, to be completed within weeks of coming home, and then a minor cath procedure when she is a teenager. Open heart surgery will require that she is in the hospital for a week; the cath is out-patient (and who knows what miraculous advances in medicine will be made in the next 10 or so years:)). It's possible, because Noelle has been without medical treatment for almost three years (her third birthday is in July), that she will need daily medication. I am blessed with a job that has amazing health insurance, and a prescription plan that has just $3 co-pays. Also, the timing for this adoption is perfect for us, as I will have the summer off to bond with my new daughter and be with her through her surgery and as she heals. I also have the support of my extended family and that is priceless.

Noelle has two holes in her heart (one of which is keeping her alive right now), pulmonary atresia (which means the valve that regulates the blood flow from the right side of her heart to the lungs is not working properly. Instead of a valve, Noelle seems to have tissue there and so her blood is not able to pick up oxygen from her lungs very well--her body created that life-saving hole she has so that some blood is flowing through and absorbing oxygen)and a narrowing of the artery that leads to her lungs. The longer she is without medical intervention the greater the chance that her lungs will deterioriate. Medications many times can reverse this damage, and that is our prayer--that He keep her lungs healthy, and eases the burden on her heart, while she waits for us.

Wednesday Walk

Have you ever prayed for something, believed for it, received it and then later looked around for customer service?


I never intended to be a teacher. I needed a second job--I was waitressing at night and attended college full time, but I had my mornings open so I signed up at the local school district. My first job in the classroom was as an assistant at a locked psychiatric hospital for adolescents. The children there were abused and/or harming themselves. From the moment I walked into that tiny classroom on the ward, I felt like I was where I belonged. I stayed for 3 years. My next job was at a home for abused children, again as an assistant. I still believed I was just supplementing my income as I continued with college. I earned a BA in English and my MFA, and even taught on an emergency credential for 6 years before, 12 years after walking into a classroom as a paid employee, I went back to school for my credential.

Even then, I was thinking this teaching thing isn't a bad gig while I applied myself at night toward my real dream--becoming a world famous writer.

But I'm good with kids. I'm a natural. By natural, I mean that I have found one of the things God has set me aside for. The gift comes from Him. I don't have to work at building a rapport with my students, they know I care about them, and they respond to that, making a difficult job very rewarding.

It took years for me to realize that the classroom is where God has placed me and I won't be leaving until He's done with me in that capacity. And I'm at peace with that now.

So what about my writing? I have achieved the near-impossible--3 novels sold to Big Time publishers. Critical success, starred reviews in trade icons like Publisher's Weekly and Kirkus Review, not to mention winning the hearts of school librarians and appearing favorably not once, but twice in their very respectable journal. I am a card carrying member of the author's guild and was an invited guest and panel participant at the Los Angeles Book Festival--another very rare tribute for which I was so grateful.

So am I really asking for a refund?

No. I couldn't stop writing if I wanted to. I believe my writing is also a God-given talent. I am supposed to share it. It is a vehicle through which I can encourage and lift up--a responsibility, as a Christian, that I don't take lightly. At the very least, I can offer comfort in the form of entertainment for those who need a break from the push and pull of their real lives--something I desperately needed in my teen years. I know firsthand that this is a worthy need to fill. I clung to books during my worst years and so thinking that I can offer that solace to others in the same situation is humbling, is gratifying, is rewarding.

And I almost lost sight of that.

You see, all is not golden in the world of writing. Many authors think once they get that first sale, they'll ride that draft, aloft and gliding through a pastel sky. I know my first thought, after that mind-numbing sheer bliss wore off, was that I finally made it.

And I had.

I have been blessed with amazing editors. Really good people, inside and out, who work harder than anyone I know. They have touched my life in a positive way and could almost wipe out the disappointment that has also come as part of the package.

I have had an agent who sold the same rights to two different countries (and then refused to take responsibility for it), another who forgot about me for looong months, one who couldn't spell my name right (and it's at the end of every e-mail I write, not to mention on my books they may never have read though they professed to LOVE them).

So, I decided to do without. To agent myself. And the book my agent couldn't sell in 7 months I sold in 2 minutes. Really. I wasn't even off my e-mail yet when I had a response.

I am grateful that my new editor caught me in my freefall. That she worked so hard on my manuscript (because it needed more work than I knew). But the experience with this book took a few turns -- or should I say a nose dive into contractual trouble -- but in the end, this turned out to be a very good thing.

It forced me to examine, reflect upon, adjust and become aware of why I write and for whom. Because all of our gifts are from God and should be used to help others.

We all touch the lives of others, whether it's a smile in passing or a lifetime connection, and it's everything in between. But have you ever paused, later, to look back and see if they're better for it? I've had very few moments of this kind of clarity, but I'm grateful for every one of them.

I think it's important for us to ponder: What will my legacy be?

Gong Xi Fa Cai

Today begins the Chinese New Year. It is the Year of the Dragon.

A lot of love and good fortune floating around us this year:)
We will be celebrating with a homemade dumpling dinner on Saturday--well within the 2+ weeks of celebration (just couldn't crank out those dumplings and steamed buns on a day filled with work and school).

Rainy Weekend

Which means a lot of time inside. But we made the best of it. We watched movies Saturday night and this morning the girls had fun playing "twins," putting the kitchen chairs together to make a train and for a little quiet time, set about writing in their journals and making crafts.