I Borrowed This Post Today. . .

from No Hands But Ours. I remember well when this very strong Mama was going through the loss of her son before she was able to get to China and bring him home. It resonates with me. It speaks to all I know God is working through me. And when a day is difficult, and I feel tossed about by the storms raging up around me, I remember why He called me, I remember who is waiting for me, and I remember that God is doing so much through me that I am humbled. I remember that this is not about me at all.

In her words. . .

I distinctly remember countless details about November 14th last year. It was a Monday and I was at our school where I work in 2nd grade. {We private school there two days a week and home school the other three days.} The sweet ladies at the front desk asked about our little boy in China and if we had any news about him to share.

In that moment, tears welled up in my eyes and I told them that the latest news we had was from a month prior. That our baby was beginning to turn blue from his heart defects {Tetrology of Fallot + one other defect}. And then I spoke to them about something that I sensed but had not yet known to be true.

“I know it’s silly, but I feel like people are watching us.”

To see how this would all play out. Wondering if we would actually bring this little boy home in time. They didn’t really talk to me about it…these people that I felt were peering into our lives. But it was just a sense. I couldn’t explain it then and I surely can’t now.

The next several hours would prove to be some of the most devastating I had ever faced in my 37 years. We were told that our Seth had died in Kunming and life as we, as I, knew it; had come to a screeching halt.

Fast forward four months.

Here we are.

As I write this {a few days earlier than it will be posted}, I’m awaiting a phone call from our agency saying that we are officially DTC.

Dossier to China…today.

How I’ve longed for those words to be spoken or written for us.

We have identified our son, the little prince, as I affectionately call him and we are thrilled. Still so broken over Seth’s loss, but rejoicing in what God has done.

And what has He done? What is He continuing to do?

He has brought this new son {in Henan} to us and is moving mountains to help us bring him home. All the while, He is also using our precious Seth to awaken others to the plight of the fatherless and fan into flame the blessing we have to set them into families.

I cannot tell you how many people have come forward over the last, say, three months to tell us that {in large part} because of Seth, they are now beginning an adoption process or praying about when and how to begin one.

In February, a dear friend knocked on our door unexpectedly with a book to give to me. She had read it and kept thinking of us while she did. So she bought another copy and brought it over for me. There, standing in our foyer, she told me how she had been praying for YEARS that they could adopt. And that she had never once nagged her husband about it. Lol. And for her birthday that month, as part of her gifts, he gave her “Choosing to See” by Mary Beth Chapman. She responded that she was so grateful for such a thoughtful gift…that she had been wanting to read it and “thank you, honey”, etc. But he looked at her and said, “Suzie, this is our green light. I believe the Lord is leading us to adopt a son.” This couple had been so sweet to us when Seth died and now, the Lord was honoring Suzi’s prayers and brought her husband on board without her even knowing it.

Then there is the friend/acquaintance who moved away from our state before I got to know her really well. She reached out to me recently and we spoke for an hour and a half last week about beginning their adoption process. She had a million questions. I had the answers for half of them. But they are resolved, seeking the Lord as to how and when to proceed.

And a college student of ours {my husband is a youth pastor}, sent me a Facebook message this weekend to tell me that God is dealing with her about orphans and that she senses strongly that she is being led to serve them in some way.

I can’t tell you how many cups of coffee I’ve shared with PAP’s, how many emails, FB messages, phone calls, texts…you name it, I have received in the last few months where people say to me that they have “always wanted to adopt” or have “been thinking and praying about adoption” or “feel led to orphan care”…and that watching us walk through the fire has given them the urgency to do so.

In many of these instances, the seeds were already planted by someone else. We take no glory or credit for any of it. It is never our intention to bring attention to ourselves, only to shine a huge spotlight on Him, and help others see what we see and know what we know.

But the death of our son, and the grace that God has showered on our family, have been the water to so many of these seeds. Seeds that were just laying there in the ground waiting to be watered in, waiting to take hold and grow, are now peeking through the dirt. Some, like our family, have fertile ground and it will be easy for them to take root with lots of love and support.

But if you’re like me, you know of others who will be met with opposition all around them, whose families will reject their desire to adopt. Still, we offer water to those seeds and trust that they will break through the concrete and grow tall.

It is so humbling. And scary.

I had no idea that Monday, when I shared with the ladies how I felt about others were watching us, that it was in many ways, prophetic. I would have never chosen it for myself. And there are countless others, walking roads so much more difficult than ours, who are watering seeds left and right.

My encouragement to us all today is to just be open. Be aware. The world is watching. If one child is adopted because someone else has watched you or me adopt or because we have endured a trial and have come out refined as gold…what a lasting legacy that is for our children.

Seeds have been sown all around us. Let’s water them in.

9 Years Ago Today. . .

I held my big girl in my arms for the first time. I became a mom, made my mom a Nana, my sister an aunt and my brothers uncles:)

Madeleine is an amazing little girl (soon to be young lady as she hits double digits in 3 months!) and I am so blessed to call her daughter.

God has been so good to me:)

Our first moment together, in Nanjing, Jiangsu, China.

The red couch photo with some of the other babes in our travel group (Maddie is the first baby on the right).

Home one month.

Home 9 years.

Getting Close

Adoption Update:
The paperwork is coming together and so are the funds. Both are certainly answered prayers. I am waiting now on the US to issue a piece of paper that my agency will send to China so that my travel approval can be processed. It is likely that we will travel the first week of May. So, that gives me about 5 weeks to come up with $4000.

As God's word says, "The One Who called you will do it!"
I have no doubt about this and I love watching how God is working this out and whom He is choosing to step forward.

The old Suzanne would be freaking out right now, but I have grown so much this past year. I keep doing what I can and I trust God to do the rest. I'm focusing my energy on doing for others while God takes care of my needs. And you know what, it works!!

Maddie Update:
Maddie is hurting and it hurts this Mama's heart so much! She sees the specialist on the 4th and I expect to know treatment options then. We're pretty sure we know what it is (see earlier post on periodic fever syndrome), but I will feel a lot better knowing for sure that the really bad illnesses are eliminated as possibilities.

Prayers for Maddie and Noelle are much appreciated.

Wednesday Walk

I'm living in the moment, knowing God is taking care of my every need. We are not supposed to worry about what happened yesterday or what is looming in front of us. God gives us enough+ grace to get through today.

Encouragement

Jesus looked at them and said, "With man this is impossible, but with God, all things are possible." --Matthew 19:26

This has been a long road, with many challenges. I have faltered. I have looked obstacles in the face--and sometimes with complete confusion, not understanding how they could happen; but that confusion soon turned to awe--because there was no way that could happen except through an act of God. My faith has grown--it was God's intention. My patience was stretched to the point of fraying. And I have regrouped.

Although many things look impossible right now, as I look at them through my eyes, I know that each and every call God has placed on my heart will come to fruition. I know that His promises are gold.

"Be like those who stay the course with committed faith and then get everything promised them." --Hebrews 6:12

So I'm keeping the faith. I'm accepting God's timing, knowing that He knows better than I do. And I will settle for nothing less than the promises of God.

Stormy Weather

We woke up this morning to more rain. Soon, though, we had hail--enough that I could make a few snowballs and toss them around. Then came tremendous winds. Actually, it's been pretty much windy since last night, but mid-morning it turned into that howling wind that chases the shadows from the house.

Maddie and I waited until afternoon, when it calmed down, to go jogging. There was a lot of debris on the ground, but we did a good job getting around it all. However, we were out only 20 minutes when the winds picked up again. We cut our jog short, but it was invigorating getting out and exercising. I'm so glad Maddie loves it. She's an excellent athlete and excels at every sport she has tried so far, but I was worried she might find jogging a little borning. Not so :)

These feet were made for running.

A Little Rain Isn't Going to Stop My Girl

I started taking Maddie jogging with me a week ago, to help manage her pain. It's working! She didn't miss a single day of school last week and had just one flare up on Wed. Otherwise, we're holding steady. And she loves it. It's raining today, but we went anyway. And, like her Mama, she loves jogging in the rain.

It also happens to be St. Patrick's Day--so Happy Day to all from all of us, including my little leprechaun--

I had to chase her down for these photos. She walked out of her classroom yesterday, all decked out in green, wearing this mask she'd made and carrying a pot of gold. The cutest leprechaun around:)