Joyce Meyer. . .

was in town today. Mom and I went. We've been listening to her preaching for a few years now and we really wanted to experience it in person. I'm glad we did.

Diagnosis

The results of Maddie's bloodwork came back--and it looks amazingly good. So good, the doctor sounded both surprised and pleased. All the really bad stuff have been eliminated and we are soundly within a diagnosis that is best case scenario.

Maddie does have the Periodic Fever Syndrome (see earlier posts). She has been on medication for this for a week now, but my poor babe has new blisters in her mouth even so. The doctor called last night (two nights in a row--we have a wonderful doctor). He doesn't expect to see the blisters clear up for another three to four weeks at least--when Maddie is at the proper dosage for her weight.

So, yes, we are going to home school. Sort of. I'm looking into a program where Maddie goes to school two days a week and studies at home the other three. There are field trip opportunities spread throughout the week, as well as study groups and online teaching. The program sounds a lot more rigorous and fun than regular school (where I teach:o). While I get this set up, Maddie will stay home on contract and complete missing work.

We have to limit the amount of motrin she can take, as the doctor was concerned that she's been taking it for so long (2 1/2 years into painful symptoms to finally get a diagnosis--I have a post planned about this--though she's only been taking the motrin daily since November).

To Home School or Not?

So this has been knocking around in my mind for a few months now. In November (after 2 years of other symptoms), Maddie began to cycle through fevers and she began missing school. A lot of school. She tried to return a few times, and even got a week or two in before the fevers or other symptoms came back. By the end of January I knew her then-diagnosis was wrong and began seeking even more expert opinions. Last Wednesday, we saw a specialist who seemed to nail it. We are still waiting on test results (poor babe had 6 vials of blood drawn last week), in order to rule out the most terrifying possibilities, such as leukemia and lupus. But Maddie's symptoms match, exactly, periodic fever syndrome. So much so, the doctor started her on the medication for it. The medication is so strong that she can only start with a quarter of the dose needed for a child her weight, and build up to the correct amount over the course of a month (or longer if her body needs longer to tolerate it). Periodic Fever Syndrome is a childhood illness that is just emerging as a major player in the field of medicine (so Maddie is now in a medical study--uninvasive, of course--that we hope will help the doctors better understand her and the children after her who have the diagnosis).

Anyway, yesterday I put Maddie on contract with the school. This was hard to do, as she loves school, is very social and earns top marks in academics. She is so bored at home, but most days won't even consider going to school. The symptoms are painful and it's just too much. I have 2 weeks to decide about switching to home school for the remainder of the school year. Socially, Maddie will have gymnastics and maybe soccer, when she feels well enough to go. But is this enough?

 My big girl.

 My middle.

What's growing in my garden right now. I'm including this photo because two weeks ago there were NO buds on this scrawny little plant. Despite more than a year of nuturing this rose bush, it looked more dead than alive and I had just mentioned to the girls that we would need to find a replacement plant as I would be pulling this bush out. I had given up on it. Well, this plant has become a new symbol for me, of my adoption journey to Noelle, and of my life period. The past year has been rife with challenges and I have felt many emotions about it, from anguish to anger, then I would reclaim my faith and wait with anticipation and even excitement for what God would be doing next--some moments have been truly beautiful to witness. Right now, I'm holding fast. I feel a little quaking on the inside, but I'm pushing past the fear and keeping my eyes wide open. There are two full-blown flowers now on this rose bush and 4 buds about to burst open. I don't want to miss a thing--God is at work and He always has our good at heart.

Happy Easter!

 Dying eggs Saturday night.

 My flower girl.

An early morning egg hunt and Peeps for breakfast?

Moving Along

Yesterday, I received provisional approval from our govt. to adopt Noelle. What this means is that the US believes she is an orphan by Hague standards (rules in place to protect children) and I am now waiting on two more documents, one from the US consulate in China acknowledging the approval, and the other from the central authority in China inviting us to travel into the country for the purpose of completing Noelle's adoption. With the medical expedite, these could come swiftly.

I spoke with WACAP (my MOST MARVELOUS agency) last night, and they were cautious in prediciting when we might travel, as we don't know if the request for medical expedite will be honored at every level.

All along I kept thinking we would travel mid-May. I still feel this way. When the expedited paperwork started rolling in, I got hopeful that travel might occur this week--our spring break from school. Travel is close to impossible the last two weeks of April and the first week of May, as the Province our consulate is in holds a huge trade fair during this time and all hotels are booked a year in advance.

So I just opened my e-mail and I have my invite to my travel group conference call. My heart kicked into high gear. In the past, this call came  2-4 weeks prior to travel. The call time is set for April 18th.

My mom is thrilled we have a travel group--she doesn't want to travel to China alone. So this is an answered prayer. It's not that we tour while we're in country. In fact, other than provinial appointments to complete the adoption, we will rarely leave the hotel. The girls love the pool and Mama needs time to bond with her girl:) But my mom likes knowing there are other Americans with us should we need help.

I know God is never late. I know these next few weeks He is going to be growing me and I am packing my mental and emotional backbone with steel. The funds aren't all together yet. From the very beginning, this adoption has been a big leap of faith. But God has met me at every need. He has moved people to help, others who have stood in the gap in order to bring this little girl home. I know He won't leave us now.

I Borrowed This Post Today. . .

from No Hands But Ours. I remember well when this very strong Mama was going through the loss of her son before she was able to get to China and bring him home. It resonates with me. It speaks to all I know God is working through me. And when a day is difficult, and I feel tossed about by the storms raging up around me, I remember why He called me, I remember who is waiting for me, and I remember that God is doing so much through me that I am humbled. I remember that this is not about me at all.

In her words. . .

I distinctly remember countless details about November 14th last year. It was a Monday and I was at our school where I work in 2nd grade. {We private school there two days a week and home school the other three days.} The sweet ladies at the front desk asked about our little boy in China and if we had any news about him to share.

In that moment, tears welled up in my eyes and I told them that the latest news we had was from a month prior. That our baby was beginning to turn blue from his heart defects {Tetrology of Fallot + one other defect}. And then I spoke to them about something that I sensed but had not yet known to be true.

“I know it’s silly, but I feel like people are watching us.”

To see how this would all play out. Wondering if we would actually bring this little boy home in time. They didn’t really talk to me about it…these people that I felt were peering into our lives. But it was just a sense. I couldn’t explain it then and I surely can’t now.

The next several hours would prove to be some of the most devastating I had ever faced in my 37 years. We were told that our Seth had died in Kunming and life as we, as I, knew it; had come to a screeching halt.

Fast forward four months.

Here we are.

As I write this {a few days earlier than it will be posted}, I’m awaiting a phone call from our agency saying that we are officially DTC.

Dossier to China…today.

How I’ve longed for those words to be spoken or written for us.

We have identified our son, the little prince, as I affectionately call him and we are thrilled. Still so broken over Seth’s loss, but rejoicing in what God has done.

And what has He done? What is He continuing to do?

He has brought this new son {in Henan} to us and is moving mountains to help us bring him home. All the while, He is also using our precious Seth to awaken others to the plight of the fatherless and fan into flame the blessing we have to set them into families.

I cannot tell you how many people have come forward over the last, say, three months to tell us that {in large part} because of Seth, they are now beginning an adoption process or praying about when and how to begin one.

In February, a dear friend knocked on our door unexpectedly with a book to give to me. She had read it and kept thinking of us while she did. So she bought another copy and brought it over for me. There, standing in our foyer, she told me how she had been praying for YEARS that they could adopt. And that she had never once nagged her husband about it. Lol. And for her birthday that month, as part of her gifts, he gave her “Choosing to See” by Mary Beth Chapman. She responded that she was so grateful for such a thoughtful gift…that she had been wanting to read it and “thank you, honey”, etc. But he looked at her and said, “Suzie, this is our green light. I believe the Lord is leading us to adopt a son.” This couple had been so sweet to us when Seth died and now, the Lord was honoring Suzi’s prayers and brought her husband on board without her even knowing it.

Then there is the friend/acquaintance who moved away from our state before I got to know her really well. She reached out to me recently and we spoke for an hour and a half last week about beginning their adoption process. She had a million questions. I had the answers for half of them. But they are resolved, seeking the Lord as to how and when to proceed.

And a college student of ours {my husband is a youth pastor}, sent me a Facebook message this weekend to tell me that God is dealing with her about orphans and that she senses strongly that she is being led to serve them in some way.

I can’t tell you how many cups of coffee I’ve shared with PAP’s, how many emails, FB messages, phone calls, texts…you name it, I have received in the last few months where people say to me that they have “always wanted to adopt” or have “been thinking and praying about adoption” or “feel led to orphan care”…and that watching us walk through the fire has given them the urgency to do so.

In many of these instances, the seeds were already planted by someone else. We take no glory or credit for any of it. It is never our intention to bring attention to ourselves, only to shine a huge spotlight on Him, and help others see what we see and know what we know.

But the death of our son, and the grace that God has showered on our family, have been the water to so many of these seeds. Seeds that were just laying there in the ground waiting to be watered in, waiting to take hold and grow, are now peeking through the dirt. Some, like our family, have fertile ground and it will be easy for them to take root with lots of love and support.

But if you’re like me, you know of others who will be met with opposition all around them, whose families will reject their desire to adopt. Still, we offer water to those seeds and trust that they will break through the concrete and grow tall.

It is so humbling. And scary.

I had no idea that Monday, when I shared with the ladies how I felt about others were watching us, that it was in many ways, prophetic. I would have never chosen it for myself. And there are countless others, walking roads so much more difficult than ours, who are watering seeds left and right.

My encouragement to us all today is to just be open. Be aware. The world is watching. If one child is adopted because someone else has watched you or me adopt or because we have endured a trial and have come out refined as gold…what a lasting legacy that is for our children.

Seeds have been sown all around us. Let’s water them in.

9 Years Ago Today. . .

I held my big girl in my arms for the first time. I became a mom, made my mom a Nana, my sister an aunt and my brothers uncles:)

Madeleine is an amazing little girl (soon to be young lady as she hits double digits in 3 months!) and I am so blessed to call her daughter.

God has been so good to me:)

Our first moment together, in Nanjing, Jiangsu, China.

The red couch photo with some of the other babes in our travel group (Maddie is the first baby on the right).

Home one month.

Home 9 years.