Trusting

It turns out the adoption process cannot be expedited in China. As of the 15th, a new Chinese passport process goes into effect and cannot be rushed. Therefore, I will be away from my big kids for 11 days.

When I started this process, this was a deal-breaker for me. I have never been away from my kids even one night. I remember talking with God and saying, "I am trusting You--with all of this--but you know I can't go without my girls." (So, hmmmm, yeah--where is the trust in that?)

He has given me peace about boarding that plane alone.

I trust that God knows what He's doing. There's a reason why this journey has been so, well, refining. My faith is stronger, my humility deeper. And I have a testimony I have just started putting to paper. A testimony I hope will inspire others, lift others. And some of the people along the way, I know they've been placed in my life for a reason. They have opened their hearts, answered God's call to the orphan. If I've been used in some way to have made this happen, well, that is indeed humbling.

After all, this life isn't about me.

And yet, God has been so good to me. I am coming to the end of this journey--really, a mini-journey--where I've had to give up even the illusion of control (I really thought I had that) and lay every need at His feet. And every time, God has come through. I've had to ask for help--even 6 months ago I would not have considered doing this. I was full of pride and power--after all, being the one to help others is a very lofty place to be. How could I possibly need the help of others if I'm the one reaching out and giving out? And how could I possibly need others--this has been crucial to my growth. I think I became very good at giving and that God very much wants us to do this--to always be on the look out for those we can lift up--but that we are missing a huge piece of what He wants to give us through others.

It has been a beautiful experience, watching others open their hearts and support this adoption process. Bringing Zhen-Ju home has been a true family effort. The family by my blood and ties, but also families whose names I will never know, who stepped up when I couldn't. Families with like minds and hearts.

In two weeks I will be in China. My daughter will be placed in my arms. And an exciting new adventure will begin.

I have my plane tickets
I have my hotel reservations
My bags are packed
My heart is ready
And I know what it is to trust, completely